{自译经典 温故知新}用合适的语气

我看不懂Tony Brignull那篇经典的Chivas Regal的广告“when”
也许是酒鬼看得懂?
而我看完那段话后能想象到的是那些洲际公路上的一间小酒吧里的情景。
牛仔,越野车,肮脏的手指和头发以及一股“纯爷儿们”的气质。

所以要用目标消费群体的语言习惯来写属于他们的产品文案,这样才有共鸣。

对于一个不喝酒的老姑娘,但愿没有理解错,
可是我实在是译不好这段话。

原文:
Chivas Regal “when”
When you’re pouring Chivas regal.it’s unwise to let your guests draw the line.
So often they seem to find themselves with a mouthful of peanuts.Or they decide to lose their voice.
The only consolation is that while they’re drinking your Chivas.
They’re developing a taste for the 12 year old glenlivet whiskies we blend
(they’re at least twice as old and smooth as most.)
So you shouldn’t have long to wait before they buy themselves a bottle of chivas
And give you the chance to lose your own voice.

“当”

当你倒Chivas Regal 皇朝酒时,给你的客人们限制酒量可是不明智的。
通常这类情况下,他们会一嘴塞满花生仁。
唯一的慰籍是让他们喝你的Chivas酒,品出我们酿了12年之久的Glelivet混合威士忌的味道来。

(他酿造时间、口感顺滑度是一般威士忌的至少两倍。)
因此,没过多久,你会发现你的客人们自己也买了一瓶Chivas酒。
这回轮到你费尽唇舌。

然而如果是以下一则,就好懂得多,
邓恩西装店的广告,他们要告诉你裤腰带上的秘密。

Success doesn’t always go to your head
成功往往不会表现在你的头脑上

When you’re starting out you can probably wear out suits with flat-fronted trousers.
As you get desk bound you might need a couple of darts at the waist.
While business lunches usually mean you need two pleats

当你刚刚起步的时候,你试穿的还是flat-fronted trousers(裤腰前部设计平坦的套装),
当你get desk bound(需要整日埋头苦干)的时候,你的裤子需要宽上两个缝褶了。
当你需要应酬的时候(business lunches),那就意味着你的裤头需要two pleats(折上两折)

A gentleman’s waistline is nobody’s business but his own,
For this reason we thought long and seriously about publishing the above photographs.
Are they indiscreet?we asked ourselves
Are we in the slightest way opening our customers to such smirking remarks as:
“you don’t need a couple of darts at the waist,old man,you need a grapefruit diet.”

没有人会关心一个绅士的腰围除了他自己
因为这个原因我们花了很长的时间去考虑这个版面的图画。
他们有任何不体面的印象吗?我们问自己
或者我们会开玩笑说:
你不需要改裤头啦,伙计,你需要的是葡萄柚健康饮食计划。

But consider our predicament.
There are still some men who just won’t believe a ready-to wear suit will ever fit them.
Even though we have related countless times that we have different fittings for slim,portly,short portly,stout and short stout men,Not to mention how many times we’ve mentioned that we also cater for men with long arms or short arms,and men with long legs or short legs.

但请考虑到我们的困境
因为还有很多人不相信一套有现成的西装会合适他们,
即便我们有无数身材各异的男士客户。(一堆形容词就不写了)
更不用说,我们还有为某些顾客专门设计的套装。

So we decided to release our waistband secrets and tell the world how we can soften the ravages of time and the business lunch,
Hoping that you will be persuaded to walk into dunns and try on every suit in the shop.
Safe in the knowlege that even if you hate them all,it won’t have cost you a penny.

所以我们决定公开我们的关于缝制腰裤身的秘密,告诉世界我们如何用折线缝拼逝去时间和生意应酬的蹂躏。
希望你们能被说服,并且到Dunns西装店去试一下我们的西装。
即使你没能挑中店里的任何一款成衣也没问题,我不会问你索要一分钱。

Tony Brigunll的创意之道:
我认为每个公司也应该有自己的声音,文案写作能传达这一点。
显然,这意味着你必须非常了解客户,那么就花点时间去拜访他们(绕过那些保护伞似的客户总监和规划师),
问他们几个刁钻的问题:
支持什么?目标为何?为了钱什么都愿意做吗?怎样对待员工?怎样对待顾客?最看重什么——
利润、名誉,还是职业操守。

一幅图景、一个声音逐渐变得清晰。
静静地写下来,你就能把它传递给读者。

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